The Completely Random 7th Year Parody
by Hedwig199
Summary: A parody of all fanfics, from songfics to femslash. Will Ron get off of his moped? Will Dean like the cherry Jello? Will Draco announce his love for Misty? And why does Seamus keep exploding? Read to find out!
1. I Don't Hate The Irish!

A/N: This will make you laugh...and DIEE!

Hermione took her luggage out of her new car and straightened her miniskirt that could be mistaken for panties. Hermione was so glad to get away abusing/drunk/chain-smoking/beats her mom/self-hating stepdad named Ryan. She bounced about 3 feet in the air at the sight of Harry and Ron, but before we get to that, let me desrcibe her dramatic changes: Hermione's hair was now straightned, even though straighteners weren't invented in the 90's. Her boobs were exaggeratingly big, and she was a slut, obviously She had curves _in all the right places_, just like every other girl that was at Hogwarts.

"Hi Harry and Ron, who I coincidently are supposed to be with," Hermione squeaked. "You of course Ron."

"Hello!" Ron and Harry squeaked because Hermione's voice is still deeper and huskier.

Let's descibe them now: Harry was built, but still a midget, and Ron was built, and about 8 feet tall and did I say he was built?...just like every other guy at Hogwarts. They skipped all the boring goodbyes that adults in this fanfic, and found a compartment in the train. Hermione saw him then.

Draco Malfoy had long hair that fell in his eyes, kind of like Sawyer from Lost, so he almost blind. He was built, like all writers say, thanks to Quidditch. There was nothing else intersting about him, like his personalitly, so let's move on.

"Hello, Hermione, my beautiful- er...I mean, get out of my way Mudblood!", Draco said.

"How are we in your way? You standing in our compartment!", Hermione noted as he looked around, realizing he _was_ standing in their compartment door.

"Oh...er...away!", he said, sprinting out. "Okay then,"Ron said, temporarily slipping out of the fanfic. Then, somehow, they were already at Hogwarts. They all, once again, skipped out and got there. Already. Draco watched as the skimpy hotness went inside to join her friends. They sat down as the OC theme song started playing as Ginny the Slut and Harry the Emo Midget gazed at each other and immediately started making out. They got up on the Gryffindor tables.

"UGH!" Ron said, slipping back in. Then Dumbledore, who is dead, came to life and made a speech no one actually listened to. The food appeared so Ginny and Harry, covered in corn and pumpkin juice, got off of the table.

"They make me sick-" Ron stopped when he saw Hermione and Draco staring at each other, licking their lips for absolutely no reason. Ron sighed as he slipped out of the fanfic. Hermione got up and walked over to Draco. She pulled Harry's invisibility cloak out of no where as she led them to a random broom closet. They snogged thier eyes out.

"I'll act like the little bitch who secretly is in love with you," Hermione said.

"And I'll be a hard-to-get bastard!" They shook hands and left. Hermione saw Snape as he sneered. He then grew wings, had gothic makeup, and flew away.

"Ooh, pretty!" Hermione said as she walked into a wall, shook her head, then walked to the Gryffindor commons. Harry and Ron stood there as Hermione walked up to them. Harry then left after an akward 20 minutes. Ron screamed,"I LOVE YOU HERMIONE!" Hermione stood there as Ron panted.

"Ron," Hermione said with a serious face,"I am not in love with you."

(the voilins from Psycho plays and zooms in Ron, then shows random pictures of kittens and puppies)

"WHAAA..", Ron cried as Hermione walked away to her next class. She found that semi-blind Draco was there, so she sat next to him instead of Harry. Harry mouthed, "WHAT THE HELL?!" but later realized he had shouted it. He blushed and sat down.

"50 POINTS FROM GYRFFINDOR!" , a gothic Snape yelled. "AND ANOTHER 50!"

"What was that for??" Harry whined.

"BECAUSE YOUR MOM IS HOT!" winged gothic Snape said. Hermione turned to Draco and pet him on the head and gave him a bone, which he chewed on happily.. Why? I'd tell you if I knew.

"Now, Hermione and Draco, Pansy and Harry, some random Slytherins and random Gryffindors, PAIR UP!" Snape yelled as he flew out the windows yelling , "W00T!"

"What happened to Ron?" Harry asked.

"Eh, he's making out with some random Slytherin in a broom closet to boost his self-esteem.." Hermione said.

"Ok, you hot Mudblood, let's get to work." Draco said, doing some random potion thingy. Hermione nodded and got the ingredients. They put an onion, a Rolex, Neville, a pair of boxers (complents to Draco on his evil green snaky boxers) and a bottle of Propel in the cauldron. Then Draco pulled out a bottle of double vodka wine, took a sip, and poured it into the cauldron. The cauldron exploded and everyone gasped 16 times. Then Seamus passed out.

A girl wearing a black miniskirt, a red tube top, and black go-go boots walked out of the cauldron. Hermione gasped one more time, as did Draco.

"Oh my God, hiiiiiiiiiiii, I'm Kate Evangeline Amber June Elizabeth, but you can call me Courtney," the new skimpy hotness said with a giggle. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, and was medium height with cute clothes like every girl at Hogwarts. Except for Eloise Midgen. Harry got up on the table with her and made out with her, naturally. Hermione pouted.

"It's okay, Hermione, I'll love you!' Draco said. "I,er, mean...I hate you!" Hermione smiled gratefully.

Then Ron came out of no where and lunged at the hotness yelling, "MINE!"

"But Ron, what about your random Slytherin?" Hermione asked.

"He had to leave...I mean, she did...AWAY!" He got an electric scooter, which somehow now work at Hogwarts in all fanfics, and sped away. At 2 miles per hour. Seamus woke up and rubbed his head to realie Ron was coming in his direction, now at less than one mile per hour.

"NOOOOO!" Seamus screamed, putting his hand in front of his face. They all waited about 10 minutes of Seamus to get squished.

"Oh my God hiiiiiiiiii Hermione, I like totally know youuuuuu.." Kate Evangeline Amber June Elizabeth said, twiriling her hair on her finger.

"YOU SUCK! HOT CATFIGHT!" Hermione screamed, pushing her into the pool of pudding in the middle of the room. They wrestled and made sure they somehow got pudding in their shirts.

"W00T CAT FIGHT, CATFIGHT!" Draco screamed. Dumbledore pulled up a chair with some poporn, watching the girls wrestle in pudding. Then, Kate Evangeline Amber June Elixabeth came out victorius, stepping over a Hermione floating face first on the pudding.

"She's mine!" Harry and Draco both yelled attacking her.

Then they accidently killed her. Hermione stepped out of the cauldron and she had a time machine in her hands, whch transported her to Marauder's time.

"Oh my God, hi James!" she screamed. They started making out. Which really fucks things up. Then James died at ther hands of a crossdressing Voldemort, now know as Voldie.

"Hi, Hermione! Where'd you get that skirt?!" the crossdressing Voldie asked.

"Oh, I got it from Sluts Deluxe." Hermione said. Then, to her dismay, she got transported back in the worst place: UP an elephant's butt.

Okay, I'm joking.

She was in her room, and she was next to Ginny, whpo was a slut.

"Hey, Gin, want to make a random dance party talent show?" Hermione asked after making out with Ginny for an hour.

"Okay!" she yelled, and somhow they were up on stage, and everyone was there. The Voldie appeared. They all took each others hands, went on stage, and started singing. Harry started.

_If I was a rich girl _

_Na na na na na na na na na _

_See, I'd have all the money in the world _

_If I were a wealthy girl_

_No man could test me, _

_Impress me_

_My cash flow would never ever end_

_'Cause I'd have all the money in the world_

_If I was a wealthy girl_

Hermione decided to take over.

_Think what that money could bring  
I'd buy everything  
lean out Vivienne Westwood  
In my Galliano gown  
No, wouldn't just have one hood  
Hollywood mansion if I could  
Please book me first class to my fancy house in London town_

It was Voldie's turn.

_All the riches baby, won't mean anything  
All the riches baby, bring what your love can bring  
All the riches baby, won't mean anything  
Don't need no other baby  
Your lovin' is better than gold I know_

Dumble began now.

_If I was rich girl (na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na nah)  
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl  
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end  
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl  
_

Blaise wanted to sing now.

_I'd get me four Harajuku girls to  
Inspire me and they'd come to my rescue  
I'd dress them wicked, I'd give them names  
Love, Angel, Music, Baby  
Hurry up and come and save me_

Dean piped in.

_Come together all over the world  
From the hoods of Japan ,Harajuku girls  
What? It's all love  
What? Give it up  
What? Shoulden't matter ,shouldent matter, shoulden't matter, shouden't matter_

Malfoy decided to sing too.

_What?  
Come together all over the world  
From the hoods of Japan, Harajuku girls  
What? It's all the love  
What? Give it up  
What? (shouldn't matter)_

A gothic Snape flew through the window, singing.

_What happened to my life? Turned up side down  
Chicks that blew ya mind, ding, it's the second round  
Original track and ting  
You know you can't buy these things  
See Stefani and her L.A.M.B I rock the fetish people you know who I am_

Snape and Dumbledore did the running man side to side while Fred and George, who appered about 4 seconds ago began to sing.

_Yes ma'am, we got the style that's wicked  
I hope you can all keep up  
We climbed all the way from the bottom to the top  
now we ain't gettin' nothing but love_

And it ended with Harry.

_If I was rich girl (na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na nah)  
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl  
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end  
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl_

Then Seamus blew up. Nothing against the Irish.

A/N:I started the idea of a parody about a month ago. I know this is unbelivebly stuid, but, hey, I had a writers block for w while, and this is my way of leting out my frustration. I hope you like it. __


	2. Author's Note

Hey guys. If you guys saw Grritts review, the you think shes as stupid as I do. I thought it would be nice to show you guys what I said.:

To Grritts: First of all, you hateful bitch, I never said I hated Harry Potter. I made this to show how strange fanfics are if you look at them in another direction. I love Harry Potter. Second, I belive it's called "Harry Potter" not, "Harry Potwer." Who helped you write that, Dora the Explorer? And third, who the hell are you, anyways? I wasn't directly insulting you anyways! Well, now I am. And your fanfic is crap because you spell like a 3rd grader. I mean, what the hell? McGonagall and Ron have a son and apparently, "people work at WalMart" in your fanfic. Youhave to be THE most stupid fanfic writer I have ever seen in my life and I wish you would go and delete you fanfic because the only person that reviewed other than you is me, asking if you were fucked up in the head. You don't deserve to be in the fanfic world. You disgust me, litrally and fully disgust me. I have 56 reviews for one of my other stories and 17 chapters. You have 2 reviews for your crappy oneshot, one from me and one from yourself. SO screw you.Moony

And to all of you, pleasee dont be as stupid as her. I love harry Potter, I've made that clear on my profile. Dont flame me, because this isn't being directed at any of you. NO matter how awesome Harry Potter is, I like to laugh at Parodies every one so often. I like people who parody Harry Potter, not show thier utter disgust for it. I am one of those people who parody it. Why? Because, harry Potter can be twisted into something so fucked up, it can make people laugh. So if you don't like it, don't review and keep your 8-year-old frustrations and tantrums to your own fucking self. But to the rest of you who are mature, don't spell like Peris Hilton (I'm talking about you, Grritts.), and actually have a sense of humor for anything else but banging our head on a chair, thank you.---Moony-----


	3. New Girls

A/N: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...meh. Ok, this chapter actually has a plot and isn't as random. Who am I kidding there is no plot.

Then everything went back to normal, except there were two new girls. Their names were Misty and...Serenity, not having anything to do with HedwigandHermes7's story, Serenity. Moving on. Misty went to the Slytherin table (she's not evil) and Serenity went to the Hufflepuff table. Now I'll describe them!

Misty was wearing a black t-shirt that said "Does it look like I care?" and camo pants that were quite baggy and laced-up boots that went to her mid-shin. She was dark-skinned, wore glasses, and was about as tall as Serenity, if not a bit shorter. Her hair was short, really short, but suited her. Her eyes were a very dark brown. Serenity had bright green eyes and ivory skin. Her dark brown hair was a little above her mid-back. She was wearing...a...red t-shirt and blue jeans, with brown boots. They were furry! (A/N: Padfoot, I obviously took some things fro Serenity, but thats because, pizza has killed my my brain cells brain cells brain cells Zamboni.)

Misty neverously sat down at the table of sneering Slytherins, and Serenity happily bounced and bounced over to the Hufflepuffs. Misty sat down and everyone stared at her, sneering. And sneering. And sneering. And sneering.

"So, what do you guys-" but before she could continue, she looked up and saw Malfoy and gasped.

"I'm sorry, but you are so hot!" Misty said. Malfoy just stared confused, then nodded in realization.

"Yeah, lot's of people say that. So, you wanna make out of something?"

Misty was silent for a while. "Yeah, alright." To Pansy's protest, they walked from the Great Hall.

"Hey, whos that?" Ron asked, pointing to the Hufflepuff. Normal Hermione glared at him,

"Honestly, who won't you listen to the narrator?! She's Serenity, why?"

"I dunno." They a bunch of guys in red coats came in. One of them said in a squeaky voice, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Realizing that no one in the Great Hall had ever seen Monty Python, they left.

"Hey, Gin, ask her out for me..." Ron asked. But Ginny just stared.

"Did you just call me an alcoholic drink?!"

"Never mind." He got up and walked over there, scared of what migh happened.

"Hi." He said akwardly. She turned to him and blinked.

"You're Ron Weasley?!"

"I think so."

"W00T!" she lunged at him and probably ended up making out with him, who knows?

Then Seamus exploded as Ron went back to the Gryffindor tables, where Harry and Ginny were making out. On top of the table.

"You guys have got to stop this..." Harry and Ginny detatched.

"WHHHHHHHYYY?!" Harry whined, definately stretching it out, 'cause ya'll know he likes to whine. Then Misty and Malfoy came out of a nearby broom closet, gasping.

"Uh, you all saw nothing!" she said, pointing to the group of chattering students. Then a crossdressing Voldie and the Golden Girls (The Death Eater's new names) walked in, and Voldie giggled.

"Hey, have you guys seen a pair of girls come over here or something?" he asked. Misty and Serenity looked at each toher and ran. Oh, and did I mention they were best friends? Well, they were, deal with it.

"LIKE, TOTALLY STOP THEM, WE NEED THEM FOR, LIKE, A TOTALLY NON-EXISTENT PROPHECY!" Voldie said, and the Golden Girls who weren't even girls ran after them. They ran down corridor after corridor as the Scooby-Doo theme song played. When they were cornered, they saw that behind them, Buckbeak, er, Witherwings was there. He totally ate the Golden Girls and Voldie. Misty and Serenity rode him back to the Great Hall where he barfed up Voldie. He was dead, so don't think this is too random.

"So...what do we do with Witherwings?" Harry said, completely forgettintg the fact that Hagrid would be squealing like a Japanese schoolgirl if he saw him.

"Well, it would be nice to have a barbeque." Hermione said, traling off. Dumbledore and McGonagall looked at each other.

**A Half An Hour Later...**

"This is really good chicken, Serenity!" Misty said though a mouthful of "chicken" and Frank's Red Hot Sauce. (A/N: Damn, I can't get enough of it!)

"Yeah!" she said, taking another peice. They were suddenly by the Black Lake, watching Seamus getting eaten by the Giant Squid.

"You know who's really hot?"

"Malfoy?"

"Malfoy.." Misty said dreamily, completely forgetting Serenity's response. She laid down on the grass and sighed when out of nowhere, Hermioen popped up.

"Hey guys." They looked up at her.

"Hi...Hermione. Did we already tell you we hate y-"

"Want to go and kill Parkinson?"

"Hell yeah!" Misty said, getting up.

"You know I do, the bitch," Serenity hissed. They walked inside and saw her standing right there, Misty pulled out her wand and killed her. Pretty quick, eh?

"I...probably shoulden't have done that.' Misty said, putting her wand in her pocket.

"Wanna have a girls night out?"

"Ok!" Srenity said sarcastically, but since Hermione's stupid, she led them into the girls room. Harry and Ron were up there, trying on Hermione's bras, and when they saw the girls, they left, leaving looks of horror on Serenity and Misty's faces.

"So who wants a butterbeer?" she said, holding up bottles and glasses that she made out of nowhere.

"Just give me the bottle," Serenity and Misty said at the same time.

**A Half An Hour Later...**

"You kn-now who's hot?!" Misty asked, who was as drunk as a skunk.

"WHO?" Serenity said, falling onto Hermione's bed, also drunk.

"MALFOY!" Misty screamed, laughing. "Hey, Hermy, I heard that that one hot Triwizard guy died.."

"Yeah, he did." Hemrione said, pouring beer into Seamus' eyes as they made their way downstairs. He screamed, rubbing his eyes when he fell into the pool of J-Ello in the middle of the pimpin', kick-ass common room. He somehow floated up and Dean bent down and...pulled out a cup, which he filled with the J-ello.

"Cherry..' he said, leaving Seamus for dead in the pool.

"He still lives on in our hearts." Hermione continued.

"Nah, that bitch is gone!" Serenity and Misty said together. They looked at each other and laughed and saw Ginny making out with some random black dude.

"Hey, want some gin, Gin?" Misty asked, laughing. "I mean butterbeer..."

"Uh, no. But I will participate in a random dance party thingy..." And so they were on stage for the daily talent dance party show thingy. A song blared though some electric speakers and Misty, Serenity,Hermione and Ginny stood on stage, now sober. And Blaise was there, but don't worry, in a couple of minutes, they'll all be on stage. Blaise started.

_(Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine)_

As Misty and Serenity sang in the background.

_Candyman, candyman_

_(Sippin' on a bottle of double vodka wine)_

_Candyman, candyman_

Misty took the microphone and punched Blaise, who fell of stage. Misty was the one who started to sing.

_I met him out for dinner on a Friday night_

_He really got me working up an appetite_

_He had tattoos up and down his arm_

_There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm_

_He's one stop shop, makes my panties drop_

_He's a sweet talkin' sugar coated andyman_

_A sweet talkin' sugar coated candyman_

She threw the microphone over to Serenity.

_Ooh, yeah, yeaaahh_

_He took me to this cotton club on Hollywood & Vine_

_We drank champagne and we danced all night_

_We shook the paparazzi for a big suprise (a big suprise)_

_He's a one stop shop, makes my cherry pop_

_He's a sweet talkin' sugar coated candyman_

_A sweet talkin' sugar coated candyman_

Ginny began to scat, which scared the hell out of everybody. After she was donw ith that cra-zay shit, Misty and Serenity began to sing.

_Woah, yeah_

_Well, by now I'm geting all bothered and hot_

_When he hits my mouth he hreally hits the spot_

_He got lips like a sugar cane, oh_

_Good things come to ones who wait_

Since Blaise went splat on the ground, Draco came on stage as Misty and Serenity sang in the background.

(_Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine)_

_Candyman, Candyman_

_(Sippin' from a bottle of double vodka wine)_

_Candyman, Candyman_

Then they wanted him to get off stange, but Misty held Serenity back from pushing his off like Blaise. He sulked off stage anyways, so no harm done...kinda.

_(Sweet, sugar, candyman)_

_He's a one stop, gotcha hot, makin' all the panties drop_

_(Sweet, sugar, candyman)_

_He's a one stop, got me hot, makin my -uh- pop_

_(Sweet, sugar, candyman)_

_He's a one stop, get it while it's hot, baby don't stop_

_(Sweet, sugar)_

_He got those lips like sugar cane_

_Good things come for ones who wait_

_He's a one stop shop with a real big -uh-_

_He's a sweet talkin', sugar coated candyman_

_A sweet talkin' sugar coated candyman_

Then Misty passsed out from not breathing so much that long. Serenity loooked down in concern. _'Meh, she'll be up,' _Serenity thought.

_Oooh, woah_

_Candyman, candyman_

_Candyman,candyman_

_Candyman, candyman.._

Then Misty spang up, taking the mike and sending Serenity tumbling.

_(Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine _

_Tarzan and Jane were swingin' on a vine _

_Sippin' from a bottle of vodka double wine _

_Sippin' from a bottle of vodka double wine _

_Jane lost her grip and down she fell _

_Jane lost her grip and down she fell _

_Squared herself away as she let out a yell _

_Squared herself away as she let out a yell) _

They they both salid down stage on their knees. ANd that was it. Serenity and Misty got bored from sitting on their knees, not to mentio it hurt, so Misty justmade out with Malfoy., but felt bad because Serenity was alone. So she pointed in Ron's direction, and you know what happened then.


	4. New Boyfriends!

A/N: And the story continues for some reason!

"Mistyyyy, I'm boreeddd.. Go get me a sandwiiicchhh!" Serenity complained, twirling her red hair on her finger, watching Seamus being carried away by Death Eaters and no one really caring. Her, Misty and Ron were all sitting at a table. It was a year after Hogwarts, which somehow made they 21. Dont ask.

"SHUT UP! I mean, I have more important things to do." They were sitting in a cafe, and it was a really hot day, so hot, that Blaise started to melt. She saw Draco sitting next to the melting boy, and sat next to him.

"Hi, Draco. I'm breaking up with you." she said simply. Draco looked shocked, confused, mad, sad, shocked, hungry, then sad again.

"WHYYY?!" He whined.

"I'm leaving you for someone sexier. Sorry." she said, winking at him.

"WHO? I'LL KILL HIM!" He threatned, and Misty didnt seem the least bit fazed by this.

"I'm leaving you for a Muggle." She said carefully, pointing. Serenity gasped. She was pointing to Panic! At The Disco's lead guitarist, Ryan Ross! Ryan waved at the shyly, standing inthe doorway of the cafe.

"YOU'RE LEAVING ME FOR A BOY WHO WEARS EYELINER?!" He exclaimed, really looking confused. Harry, Hermione, Ron and everyone else in the cafe that cant mind their buisness crowded around.

"Noooo, a guy who wears eyeliner AND has birds on his face!" Misty exclaimed happily as Serenity was in absolute shock at how she actually got a chance to date Ryan Ross.

"What can I say?" Ryan shrugged. "She bought my CD and is in love with me. How can you turn down that?"

"But...but-" He spluttered as all the people, wo were coincidentally in Slytherin and Gryffindor, laughed and laughed and laughed until several of them either puked blood, passed out, or died from loss of breath.

"Anyways, he does awsome makeup, he can write awsome lyrics, and he has a sexy banjo." Misty said simply, putting both hands on her hips. "So, yeah, bye!" She walked outside, yelling, "Coming, RyRo!"

"That's so dumb. I mean, I've dated hotter guys." Ron said to Serenity, wishing he could take it back but didnt mind for Serenity was still in total shock.

"HOW COME SHE GETS RYRO AND I-" But before she could complete that sentance, Pete Wentz appeared out of the doors, looking around as if he had no earthy idea how he came to be there. Ron and Serenity both stood up, except Serenity's jaw was touching the ground.

"Hm. Some guy, anyways, do you want to go ou-" But Serenity pushed Ron into the another table and popped up right next to Pete as if she had Apparated.

"Hi. I'm Serenity. I LOVE Fall Out Boy."she said, batting her eyelashes before taking him by his arm and walking up back outside. Draco glared at the door bitterly, and the guy at the table Ron was on pushed him off, so he rolled and actually landed next to Draco. Misty was still at the door and she gaped at Serenity.

"You DO realize he's way too old for you?"

"You DO realize you should SHUT UP!"

"Touche." And they both walked in.

"We gotta work together to get our womens back!" Draco said.

"Ew..I landed in a puddle of Blaise.." Ron said. "But, er, yeah!" And before the two enemies knew it, they were in a Potions room, kinda like an old style labortory.

"So...what makes Ryan Ross and Pete Wentz hot?" Draco asked thoughtfully.

"They both can play guitar. And they both wear makeup?" Ron asked quizzedly, paying less atention to him more attention to a squirrel and a badger in a cage, and wondering if he could make a hybrid sadger or buirrel.

"We can do those! What else can they do though?" he asked, stroking his imaginary beard. And then, out of the shadows...

"Like, I totally, like, know what the girls, like, like!" Voldie said, and his group of "Death Eaters".

MEANWHILE...

Misty looked at Serenity, who was staring at Pete Wentz in the Hog's Head as he talked to Ryan Ross.

"Hey, Serenity?"

"Yeah?"

"Your boyfriend is hot I mean, it's like, I've never ALWAYS thought Pete Wentz was hot, but he totally is!" Misty exclaimed. Everyone expected Serenity to pounce on Misty, but she nodded.

"Your boyfriend is hot too, and it's the same with me! It's like one of those things you dont get until you just do!" She said. Serenity and Misty huggled, and everyone went "Aww!", even though no one understood what they meant.

ANYWAYS...

"You, have to, like, win them back with, like, a song!" Voldie said, as if it were the easiest thing to figure out on Earth. The Death-er, Golden Girls nodded, their blonde wigs shaking under pink robes.

"Which one though?" Ron asked.

"Well, boyssss, like, what songs do they like, like, by Ryan and Pete? What do you, like, know about them?"

"Ryan Ross' dad died?" Ron piped in.

"Pete stagedived and hit the concrete?" Draco asked. (A/N: I read it on Wikipedia! XD)Voldie gave them flat looks.

"How 'bout, like, NO! Why don't you...HA, IVE GOT IT!" And they whispered. And whispered.

MEANWHILE...AFTER 2 HOURS...

"Wanna get drunk?" Hermione asked.

"Too late." Misty said, downing the shot of firewhiskey. They were in the Three Broomsticks, and both Misty and Serenity's boyfriends were on tour.

"I miss Ryan..." Misty sighed.

"And I miss Pete..." Serenity sighed.

"Know what's weird?" Misty asked. Serenity raised her head in intrest. "I miss Pete too!"

"I miss Ryan!" Serenity cried, and they hugged each other, sobbing until they got this thingy. Dont ask me what it was, I dont know!

"It's a note. I think...and it says to go in the-" But they already somehow got to some random stage in Hogmeade. It was pretty freakin' weird. Draco and Ron were on stage, looking uncomfortable, along with Harry and Blaise.

"Why did we agree to this?" harry asked the unmelted Blaise. He shrugged. And the lights dimmed, and everyone was there all of a sudden, it was weird when music started playing. Misty and Serenity squealed; they loved this song!

Draco started.

_I am an arms dealer_

_Fitting you with weapons in the form of words_

_And I dont really care which side wins_

_As long as the room keeps singing, _

_That's just the buisness I'm in_

Ron kept going nervously.

_This aint a scene, it's a damn arms race_

_This aint a scene it's a damn arms race_

_This aint a scene, it's a damn arms race_

_I'm not a shoulder to cry on, but I digress_

Draco came in fast.

_I'm a leading man_

_And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intracate_

_I'm a leading man_

_And the lies I weave are oh so intracate, oh so intricate_

Harry started just as nervously as Ron sang in the background.

_I wrote the gospel of giving up_

_(You look pretty sinking)_

_But the real bombshells have already sunk_

_(Primadonnas in the gutter)_

_At night we're painting your trash gold while you sleep_

_Crashing not like hips or cars_

_But more like p-p-p-parties_

And then Blaise began.

_This aint a scene, it's a damn arms race_

_Ts aint a scene it's a damn arms race_

_Bandwagon's full, please catch another_

It went back to Draco.

_I'm a leading man_

_And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate_

_I'm a leading man_

_And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate_

And then, like, out of nowhere, everyone from every Harry Potter book, a gospel singer group, amd MTV Music Awards Moon Man appeared when Draco kept singing.

_All the boys who the dance floor didn't love_

_And all the girls whose lips coulden't move fast enough_

_Sing until your lungs give out_

Everyone started clapping in rythmn to Ron now chanting with Draco in the background.

_This aint a scene, it's a damn arms race_

_This aint a scene, it's a damn arms race_

_(Now you)_

_This aint a scene, its a damn arms race_

_(Wear out the groove)_

_This aint a scene, it's a damn arms race_

_(Sing out loud)_

_This aint a scene, it's a damn arms race_

_(oh, oh)_

_This aint a scene, its a damn arms race_

Then, Blaise fell off stage, which was awesome, so Misty and Serenity didnt catch him and let him fall. Then Draco shugged and ended it.

_I'm a leading man_

_And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate_

_I'm a leading man_

_And the lies I weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate_

And everything stopped, and Misty and Serenity screamed with joy. Pete and Ryan were watching from one of the tables, and were scoffing.

"So, you'll take us back?" Draco asked hopefully.

"What? Hell, no! Ryan can sing way better on that song!" Misty said.

"And Pete could play guitar way better too!" Serenity retorted, and with them, the two girls walked awya, leaving them all looking like total idiots. In frustration, Draco slammed his guitar intot he crowd, killing Seamus.

A/N: I was inspired by the same bitchin' song on this chapter, This Aint a Scene, Its An Arms Race by Fall Out Boy. I dont know, i wanted to take a break from Panic! At The Disco, I've been obbsessing about it a bit, and there's a aprt of me that just loves Fall Out Boy! (walks away huming Dance, Dance)


	5. GhettoFabulous

A/N: Happy to see me? You better be. Well, I'm pretty sure this is the last chapter. I guess. But I think maybe I'll close this pretty thing up. This chapter, as always, has warning for profanity and that sort.

I think I might be starting a new story, because a plot bunny came 'round and bit me in the ass and it's not letting go.

And by the way, in this chapter, i hope I'm not offending anyone by putting stereotypes into my chapter. People, I AM black, so I really am not offending anyone.

"How are we ever going to get our hands on the Trix Cereal, Draco?" Ron asked.

"What the hell are you talking about?" They stood on stage, still in Hogsmeade, trying to figure out how to score their hot babes back. Then, Misty apparated in front of them.

"Hey, loozers," she said, playfully punching him in the arm.

"MISTI! ACCEPT MY LOVE!" And Draco ran in for a big ol' smooch. Misty screamed and shoved his head away, putting his lips onto Ron's.

"ZOMGEWWW!" Ron screamed. Draco finally opened his eyes to a horrified Ron and a laughing-her-friggin-head-off Misty.

"Anyways, I came to tell you, Draco, I left Ryan."

"REALLY?!" Draco asked eagerly.

"Yes. Meet my new boyfriend." And then, (gaspedygasp) WILLIAM BECKETT FROM THE ACADEMY IS... SHOWED UP!

"Hey, everyone," Will said, putting an arm around her waist.

"I love that jacket." Misty felt his leather jacket as he nodded approvingly.

"...You're got to be fucking kidding me," Draco said, shocked.

MEANWHILE...

"Araboogadooga!" Hermione said to Harry, wand raised. It then snapped in half.

"HERMIONE, I'LL FRUCKING KILL YOU!" Harry screamed as Hermione threw herself at her feet, sobbing.

"Let's go to Diagon Alley," He mumblegrumbled. He lifted Hermione, throwing her on his shoulder as he Disapparated. He landed in Diagon Alley and when he saw the place were Ollivanders's once stood, it said "GhettoFabulous." He shrugged, resulting in Hermione dropping from him as he walked in. She brushed herself off and followed.

Everything was GhettoFabulous 'up in dere'. Pictures of Missy Elliot and Lil' Kim and Rihanna and the rest of them were slapped against the walls. A section had grills on display, golden and white. There were also Snitches that were engraved with "GHETTOFABULOUS". A man came out from the back of the shop, wearing oversized sunglasses several different chains. He wore Pele Pele clothes and shorts that went to his ankles from the oversize-ness.

And NO, he wasn't black.

Hah, who am I kidding, of course he was!

"Who goes dere?" He stomped to the counter, and put his hand to his mouth. "I'ma Decleonte!"

"Harry Potter."

He gasped then grinned a thousant different minerals sparkled at Harry. "OHHHH, SNAP! LATISHA, GET OUT HERE!" A girl with a weave down to her knees, tube top, short shorts, four inch long pink nails who was crackalacking her gum.

"Daaaaaaannng, it's day boy who's lived!" She shouted.

"YEAAAAH, BOOOOOOOOIII! What can I get for your Crunkedness?" He bowed solemnly.

"...What?"

"Ya'll skinny white boys crackalacking me up, boy! Anyways, how do you like this?" he held out a silver wand. "9 inches, chrome and it comes with SPINNAZZZZ!" He turned it horizontally, showing him the end. He spun it and smiled with all 6 of his top and bottom teeth and it said "TIME TO GET CRUNK!" Because it's all caps, all the time.

Hermione stood idly as Latisha picked out her hair. "Giirrrrlll, you need to getchoself a weaave! I'ma do your hair!"

"Help me!" Hermione shouted as she pulled back into the back fo the shop, but Harry wa fascinated-slash-hypnotized by the "TIME TO GET CRUNK" spinnazzzz.

"Hmm...do you have anything possibly 12 inches?" Harry asked, looking at the ghetto shoeboxes on the shelves.

"Oooh, I like a man with a looong waaaand," Latisha piped in.

Decleonte stuttered. "B-Ch-Pu-SHUT UP, LATISHA!" They bickered a bit like that as Harry stood idly.

"Ugh. Ya'lls Pottah boys need to get ghetto for mah!" Hermione came out with cornrows down to her fuggin' feet, cracking her gum loudly. "Mmmmhhhmmm, ya heaaarddd.." Her was giant ass boot-tay shorts, keeping all that 'phat packed in'.

"...What?"

THE END!

A/N: it's not actually the end, this story's on hold. :P


	6. Authors Note

Dear Peoples:

Hello, this is Hedwig199. I am sooooo freaking sorry, but this story has been put on hold. I know, it sucks, whatever. But I really can't have the pressure right now-I feel like I have to write it. Like, I'm not enjoying it. I will keep this chapters up for your enjoyment, but really, I'm not feeling them right now.

I have started a new story I will be working on, The Marauders Guide To Being Dangerously Cool. I wish to continue this story, because I feel very optimistic and happy about my ideas for it. I'm sorry I'm not updating TFL II, but it's not very successful as it's first and I dont really like what I've done with it. As for Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of His Closet, I haven't watched POA in God knows how long. And The Completely Random Seventh Year Parody? I have like, half a chapter done, but can't bring myself to post it. Actually, no. I will post my half chapter thing and that's when this has been posted, since you are obviously reading this last.

Like I said, I feel like I have so many unenjoyable things I'm writing and I need to ake a break and start doing first-person stories because they're what I love.

Sincerely.

HedwigOneNineNine.


End file.
